If you have been on a long dating streak going from one man to another without much success it is very easy to take a look at why they were unsuitable. Each one will have reasons attached to them and sometimes we need to take a little self reflection time just to make sure that the problem is in fact them and not us!
Putting aside the more obvious things like being physically or verbally abused it helps to take a look at whether we are striking men off because we don’t want to sort out the problem that is within us.
For example if you can’t say no and you find that eventually men take advantage of your good nature by expecting you to do too much then the thing to do is not end the relationship but to change who you are so you can say no and feel good about it.
My pattern was to believe that men only wanted me for sex and a fun relationship but nothing serious, I changed that by deciding not to sleep with men immediately, in fact if we don’t make it past 4 months together we don’t make it into my bed. It is just way too easy to act on emotions and body pulsating when lust kicks in but I needed far more than lust, eventually!
I changed my pattern by deciding to take my time and I let them know as soon as the “sleeping together” conversation came up. It also helped me to get over my tendency of falling in love too quickly, believing they are “the one” and then waking up 3 months later and wondering why the hell I ever bothered. See more in this NY Post article.
It took awareness on my part to change my pattern because until that awareness came I had spent my time blaming the men I was with for their faults just so I had an excuse to end it with them. Of course whenever I spoke to my friends about their faults they agreed with me, which helped to keep the whole pattern in place.
After changing my pattern my dating habit became more about quality rather than quantity because there is nothing like telling a man you don’t sleep with men until you are ready to put them off.
Eventually the question is asked… “how long before you are ready?” (like I can seriously put a clock on it!) but because they always wanted an answer to the question I said 4 months because it was the first number that came into my head and it felt right.